A Heartbreak and a Praise

Oh ... what to write??

Well, we have been waiting on news about what happened at the meeting with the other couple's lawyer and hadn't gotten word.  And honestly I've been too chicken to call and ask ... until today.

So I got up the courage to call this morning.  She told me that the birth mother has decided for sure to give consent for him to be adopted.  A HUGE praise!!  She has been going back and forth about it for a while and finally decided it was the right thing and that she is ready to go ahead with it.

However ... the other couple is going ahead with the adoption.  I have no words to describe how deeply my heart is hurting.  I thought that  I had prepared myself for the fact that they were planning to adopt him.  But apparently I was wrong.  Maybe that's not something you can prepare yourself for.

I guess in the back of my mind I really thought they were going to back out.  If God told us we were supposed to pursue this adoption then, of course, He would show the other couple - who is also seeking His will - that it wasn't the right thing for them, right?  Wrong again!

I know that there are probably dozens things that could be reasons that God would have asked us to say "yes" to this when it seems He is not going to allow it to happen.  Maybe He just wanted to test our willingess to obey?  Maybe He wanted to work on our hearts?  THAT He has done for sure.  Maybe He wanted to use this to light a fire under us for getting all of our ducks in a row for our Ethiopian adoption even more quickly?  Maybe He was wanting to prepare us for something else He has in store?  (Maybe even another similar adoption.  We're continuing the home study in the more complicated way that will allow us to be able to adopt from Ethiopia and domestically ... just in case.)  Or maybe one of a myriad of other reasons we can't even imagine.  "For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways," declares the LORD.  "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and Mythoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9


What I do know is that I have been wondering for a while why lots of the things that I have been learning have been related to growing through the pain in our lives.  I guess God knew I was going to need that one, huh?  This is the second significant loss in my life in just over a month.


One thing I have learned for sure.  If there was ever any doubt in my mind whether I could love a child who didn't grow inside of me as much as I love my others (which I don't really think there was) there definitely isn't now.  I love this little guy so much, and I've never even met him ... just think if he had come to live with us for even a week.


On the one hand, I'm SO sad.  But on the other hand, I''m so happy for him that he's going to have a family that loves him and loves God.  I'm so happy that he will be in a home where he'll learn to love Jesus and grow up knowing that he is wanted and loved.  Both by his adoptive parents and by his birth mom who loves him enough to want to do what's best for him even though it's got to be so hard for her.


I could probably go on and on for a long time about how I'm feeling about this.  Just ask Cole (who's also so very sad), my sister, my mom and my dad who have all had to listen to me today.  - Ya'll are awesome, by the way! - But I'll spare you.  And honestly, this is about all the energy I've got left for today.


So ... please pray for this family, that God would work things out quickly for him to be able to go to his forever home as soon as possible.


And one last thing.  One of my new favorite songs is Forever Reign by Kristian Stanfill.  It came on while I was writing this, and it's definitely fitting in my life today.


The line that's most appropriate for today:


"Lord, I'm running to Your arms.  I'm running to Your arms.  The riches of Your love will always be enough.  Nothing compares to Your embrace."


God, please let this be true in me!